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coasm:

PFLAG Advice on Coming Out

For the Parents:-

When people first “come out”, many parents experience…

• Shock and confusion:
  How did this happen? To whom can I turn?
• Denial:
  This can’t be happening in our family! Perhaps it’s only a phase.
• Anger:
  How dare they do this to us!
• Fear:
  What will happen to my son or daughter? How will people react towards them as parents if they tell?
• Shame:
  How can I tell people about this? Some parents feel disgusted.
• Isolation:
  Parents feel no one will understand. They feel they are the only ones that have a LGBTI son or daughter.
• Grief:
  Parents grieve about loss of the traditional lifestyle, eg marriage and children.
• Guilt:
  Many parents feel this happened because they were bad parents. May feel guilt if they become aware their son or daughter has struggled with the homosexual issue alone.
• Sinful:
  Many fear their son or daughter will not enter heaven at death. Others are concerned about how their church or religion interprets homosexuality.

Finally there is acceptance. Parents need to understand gay children need acceptance just like our straight children. We also need to understand that if we want to keep our children’s love and respect we also need to respect them and work to understand the issues our gay children are dealing with.

Love should not be conditional and our son or daughter should not be seen as the “dark family secret”.

As parents we need to realize our children did not choose this sexual orientation. It is not a fad or phase. We are born with our orientation just like eye colour, there is no choice. Homosexuality may not be the norm for us but we need to recognise that it is for our children.

For the Person Coming Out :-

Before you decide to disclose your sexual orientation to family be sure that you are confident with your decision and be prepared for “Are you sure?” and the possible many other questions that parents will ask. Plus, be prepared for the tears and sometimes comments made that may require apologies later when the shock wears off.

Society in general needs to understand that when a person decides to “come out” it is not a decision made lightly. Many have struggled with their sexual orientation for a very long time before disclosing. They also have experienced the self loathing that many in the general community feel. Most know at best they are causing disappointment to parents and at worst know they will be abandoned by family. This is why suicide is so high amongst 15-29 year olds.

• Don’t “come out” at family celebrations eg Christmas, birthdays etc.
• Wait until there are minimal stresses within the household before disclosing and be sure parents aren’t busy.
• You are financially independent if possible, just in case the process doesn’t go as you hoped.
• Have a network of friends for support that can help you deal with the possible stress.
• Have reading material and phone numbers that parents can access quickly to hasten understanding
• If you normally live at home, have somewhere to stay if the worst should happen.
• Decide whether you want to tell both parents together or one at a time.
• Try not to swear one parent to secrecy. This can be too difficult for some parents and just increases their stress levels.
• Be prepared for the emotional roller coaster which is very common for most parents.

knowhomo:

LGBTQ* Stories of Understanding from a Peer

For gay teens who have considered suicide

November 16, 2010

By Sean Simonson

I have considered suicide. Yes, I have considered taking my own life. Unlike six other boys recently in the news, I never took the steps to follow through on my dark thoughts, but, unfortunately, I can understand what drove them to. Because I know what it’s like to be a gay teenager.

Imagine going through adolescence: hormones raging, body changing, and relationships that go a little deeper than friendship developing. Now, add on being gay.

Don’t believe being different is difficult? Try going through a day in the life of a gay teen.

Every day you hear someone use your sexuality — a part of you that, no matter how desperately you try, you cannot change — as a negative adjective. That hurts.

You fear looking the wrong way in the locker room and offending someone. Politicians are allowed to debate your right to marry the person you love or your right to be protected from hate crimes under the law. Your faith preaches your exclusion — or damnation. And no one does anything to stop it.

Recently, the Archbishop used money donated by an anonymous source to denounce same-sex marriage. That’s right: a major religious leader used non-Church money from a questionable source to publicly condemn your right to express your love in a public and binding manner.

A public school district nearby — after a wake of suicides by kids much like yourself — cannot bring itself to put your protection from bullying into its policies. Members of the district fear your kind and how you might brainwash their children into thinking that your behavior is appropriate or to join your kind.

A political party makes its position denying your right to marry one of its main voting points. And your nation voted this party in office.

You cannot legally give blood to save a life, nor risk your life to defend your country unless you hide your identity and deny who you are.

Oh yeah, and the words “queer,” “homo,” and “faggot” that people throw around all the time? Yeah, those might as well be personal attacks.

This is daily life for me. And I can understand why, if you are gay like me, you might consider ending it all. But I hope you don’t.

Why? Because without you, who is going to make it better for everyone else? Without you, no one is going to stand up against the injustice. I need you to help me make this world a better place for both of us and everyone else like us.

And all of you who don’t have to undergo this horror daily, it’s up to you to help. Don’t stand by and let hatred go on. Don’t sit back and watch your friends be discriminated against. Reach out and help those who might need it.

Together, maybe we can make the world an easier place to live for gay and straight teens alike. Because no one else is going to do it for us.

——

(via comingoutjournal)

lgbtlaughs:

My Latin professor told me that the only thing he has against homosexuality is that you’re mixing a Greek prefix with a Latin root. [via quidnuncphilosopher]